Why am I Wasting My Time?

Life has seemed as if it is flying by lately. There are so many things that I want to do, and it seems as if I am doing none of them. I have grown weary of seemingly wasting my time on the meaningless or not managing my time well enough to do the things I really want to do. I want to take charge and be a good steward of the time God has given me, and designate times for certain things to be done. That being said, my wife and I sat down this weekend and wrote down some goals. We had six categories- personal, marriage, children, friendship, ministry, and financial.

One of my personal goals is to spend 1 hour in solitude and silence per week. I haven't been doing this at all, so I wanted to make sure it wasn't a crazy, unattainable, or unrealistic goal.

Today was the first day. I took my Bible, pen, and notepad and headed to my hide away. I wanted to just shut up and listen. I wanted to hear God speak through His Word, through His Spirit.

In my mind it seemed unfruitful, and impractical. Why should I spend an hour in silence and solitude when I seemingly do nothing but think of people that I am angry with, people who are angry with me, books I should read, how I want the basement room to look, and thousands of other senseless and silly things that grab my mind for a moment?

The answer is: because God is greater than my mind and my heart and what is really happening is not measurable by terms of human success and failure. What I must do first of all is be faithful. If I believe the greatest commandment is to love God with all my heart, mind, soul and strength, then I should be able to spend at least 1 hour a week with nobody else but God. (1 hour a day for that matter!) The question as to whether it is helpful, useful, practical, or fruitful is completely irrelevant, since the only reason to love is love itself. Everything else is secondary.

In my heart however, I believe that sitting in the presence of God for 1 hour day after day, week after week, month after month, in total confusion and with all kinds of distractions will radically change my life. The Father, who loves me so much that he sent his only Son not to condemn me but to save me, does not leave me waiting in the dark too long. I might think that each hour is useless, but after 30 or 60 or 90 such useless hours, I will gradually realize I was not as alone as I thought. All along there was a very small, gentle voice speaking to me far beyond my noisy place. So I will continue to be faithful, confident, and trust in the Lord.